i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need to get me chipped asap
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