Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
