I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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