She went from zero to smokin in five shots
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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