Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
