There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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