my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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