Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
