We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
