Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize