No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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