I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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