The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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