Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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