nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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