Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
