I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
