Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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