i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
