that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
