Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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