I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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