You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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