Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
