so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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