Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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