This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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