wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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