I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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