their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
