We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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