I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
