i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
