The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
