if you like me you must not know who I am
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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