so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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