like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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