Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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