She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
