he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
