Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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