clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
