In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
