Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.