It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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