This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
