i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
