Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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