he thought i was a dude.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
