Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
