He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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