Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
