Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
