Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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