i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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