i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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