You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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