I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
