meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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