im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
