Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
