I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
