I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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