Cold hands, warm shart.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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