Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
