Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize